Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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