look no pants
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize