fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
