So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
