note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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