On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
