there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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