how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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