Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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