Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
