I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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