I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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