dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
