I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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