I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
