I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
