11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
