you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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