weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
