Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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