I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
