Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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