you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
