But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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