she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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