Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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