The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
