I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
