I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
