sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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