We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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