i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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