The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So vagazzling was a success
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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