does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
