id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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