i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
