i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize