he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
