so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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