I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
