Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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