I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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