Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
