My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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