So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
