Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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