She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
