I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
