Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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