There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
