You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
