Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
