I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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