you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
