i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
