the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Pooping to opera.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
