I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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