even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
