I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
