We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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