I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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