Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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