I'm so fucking centered right now
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My legs feel like baby dolphins
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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