Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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