if i can run in heels then i can drive
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
