Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
