What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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