I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
