im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
