I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
