Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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