My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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