Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
