My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
