I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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