you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
