haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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